if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
where are my eyebrows?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
