you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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