saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
