Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
