note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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