WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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