Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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