were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
