i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
