cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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