I feel like abortions should bother me more
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
