she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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