then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
