Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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