Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
