Yo dont text me then not text me
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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