She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
