Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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