remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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