my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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