I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
