I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
