She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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