nut hugger
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
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she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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