so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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