im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So many bounce houses so little time
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just pee around me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
