I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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