whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
