Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
