I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
