I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
