last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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