I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
