Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
