All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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