I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
