Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
