More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
