I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
