Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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