So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
