guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
