she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.