I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.