Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Use "feeling words"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.