Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
