The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.