I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
