i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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