genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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