i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
