I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
