i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He passed out mid-signature
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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