I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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