week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
