Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
