Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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