He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
