Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
