I cockslap morals
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
