I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
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I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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