just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
