apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
3pm strippers are depressing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize