tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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