i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This is my gift to your gina
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
