After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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