i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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