dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize