If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
