I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
