period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
