he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
