He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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