My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
