I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
