I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
