would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
