I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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