Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
