Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
