Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
