Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
