who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
