This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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