Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Still dying that you shit outside
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
