Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
