dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
