You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
