I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
