at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
