we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
