so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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