good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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