There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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