I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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