You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
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why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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