This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
